Be Merry

In this male comedic monologue, FIZZ talks to a friend about how he needs to accept the fact that he is dumb, so he can simply be happy.

FIZZ:  Greg, you don’t need to get yourself overwhelmed.  It doesn’t apply to you.  I know you’re…look, I know sometimes things get a bit hard to handle and that’s normal.  I get overwhelmed too sometimes but I walk myself to the side and meditate…that’s it.


How do I meditate?  Well, I just close my eyes and take a few deep breaths and sort of calm my body down by relaxing my muscles. That’s all there is to it, man.


But, that won’t work for you.  Why?  Because you’re too stupid.  Can I be perfectly honest with you?  You are as dumb as a sack of potatoes. No, really, you are…and it’s not a bad thing.  Being dumb doesn’t make you a bad dude but there are certain things you won’t be able to do in life man, like meditation.  You meditating is like a dog trying to do math.  But that’s okay, Greg, it really is…I’m not trying to be mean or anything bro but that’s how shit goes down sometimes.

For example, I banged your sister last night.  Alright?  Bet you didn’t know that, right?  Thought I was really there to make cupcakes?  Come on, dude.  You don’t have the mental capacity to recognize the fact that I was tagging your sister three ways to Sunday, while you were in the next room playing video games, drooling over yourself in your underwear.  But that’s alright…like I said, that shit doesn’t make you a bad guy man, not in my book.  And if anybody ever tries to convince you otherwise, you just make sure you stick up for yourself and let them know just how dumb you are.  Cause you have every right to defend yourself.  Alright?


Shit happens.  I know.  It does…it does.  No, we’re not dating, just—listen, there are certain things in this life that you just have to accept.  You are an idiot and as an idiot, you have to look deep inside your idiot self to remind yourself from time to time that you are…wait for it…an idiot.  You just need to be reminded and then everything goes into the right place.  There’s no more stress, no more confusion, no more feeling overwhelmed because all you simply have to remember, is that you, Gregory my friend, are dumb as shit.  Accept your fate and be merry brother.  That’s my advice to you!  You will never feel overwhelmed ever again.  I guarantee an entire peaceful life if you take my advice!

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Joseph Arnone

Joseph Arnone is the founding editor-in-chief of Monologue Blogger. In addition to running MB, Joseph is a filmmaker/producer who has had his films premiere at Festival de Cannes - Court Metrage and Tribeca Cinema's Big Apple Film Festival. He can be reached at