GOLYADKIN Monologue by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

[This is how Golyadkin expressed his joy at being alive, although something was still nagging him, something that perhaps wasn’t exactly anguish but that was strong enough to make his heart pump so hard that he didn’t know how to relieve pressure.]

GOLYADKIN:  It’s really wiser to wait for the morning before rejoicing. But what’s it all about?  All right, let’s try to work it out.  Well, let’s think it out, my young friend.  in the first place, here’s a man exactly like you, exactly the same.  Well, what of it? Should I weep because he is like me?  What is it to me?  I don’t care.  I just go on walking on my way, whistling.  All right, let him work in the office.  Well, it may be freakish and all, and there are those Siamese twins…But what have Siamese twins got to do with it?  All right, they’re twins, but then some great people have also had a freakish air about them.  It is a well known historical fact, for instance, that the great General Suvorov likes to crow like a cock…Well, but then he did that for political considerations and the great military leaders.  But what have the military leaders to do with it?  As for me, I just mind my own business.  I don’t wish to get involved with anyone and, in my innocence, I despise my enemies.  I don’t go in for intrigue and I’m proud of it.  I’m clean, straightforward, neat, pleasant and forgiving.

[Suddenly Golyadkin’s train of thought snapped.  He began to shiver and even closed his eyes for a second in the hope that the cause of his terror was only an illusion.  Then he opened his eyes and cast an apprehensive sidelong glance to the right.  No, it was no illusion!]

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