Harold’s Ear

In this free comedy short script, REBECCA helps her UNCLE HAROLD get a piece of cotton out from inside his ear. 

  • For the .pdf  and mobile version of this short script: HAROLD’S EAR


HAROLD: Rebecca, you can’t keep playing your flute all day, each day. I’m liable to have cardiac arrest.

REBECCA: You said that I can play as often as I wish and I am choosing to play as often as I wish.

HAROLD: Is there something wrong in your brain? It was a figure of speech. It doesn’t mean I was actually encouraging you to play fiddle diddle all day long.

REBECCA: Well, you figured wrong.

HAROLD: I must have cotton wedged deep into my ear because my own voice sounds

Harold begins jerking his head to the side, trying to get something out of his ear.

REBECCA: What are you doing?

HAROLD: I like tilting my head to the side and jerking it for your amusement.

Harold continues to jerk his head.

REBECCA: Wait! You’re going to do damage to yourself. Let me have a look.

Rebecca looks inside Harold’s ear.

Yep. I see something white.

HAROLD: Are you serious?

REBECCA: You have what appears to be a piece of white cotton in your ear.

HAROLD: Can you get it out?

REBECCA: I’m not your Doctor.

HAROLD: Rebecca, please, I am your Uncle and as your Uncle I am asking you to help me. Do you have a pair of tweezers or something such?

REBECCA: …Hold on…

Rebecca fumbles through her make up bag and pulls out a pair of tweezers.

I’ll try these.

HAROLD: How should we do this? Should I lay down on the floor flat and you slowly, gently and calmly, grab it and pull it out?


HAROLD: Okay, that’s it, no argument? I never knew that this was going to be my final ending…who could possibly imagine?

Harold gets on the floor and lays on his side.

How’s this?

REBECCA: You look like you’re posing for a centerfold, Uncle Harold. You need to lay all the way down and relax.

Harold lays down flat.

Okay. Now, you need to remain calm because if you jiggle around, I’m afraid the cotton might go in further.


REBECCA: So, don’t move!

HAROLD: Famous last words…

REBECCA: Uncle Harold, I’m serious.

HAROLD: I’m serious too, there is nothing funny about this, not one bit.

REBECCA: I’m going in.


REBECCA: No talking. I have to focus.

Harold Mumbles, “Hmmm Mmmm”.  Harold slowly begins to chuckle. His chuckling grows and grows until finally he laughs out-loud uncontrollably.

REBECCA: I almost got it!

HAROLD: I’m sorry, it’s too ticklish, it’s tooooo—

REBECA: Stop wiggling around.

HAROLD: HAHAHA. Hurry, Hurry, pull it out, pull it out, please!

REBECCA: Almost there!



HAROLD: Did you? Did you get it–Oh, I can hear terrific! Unbelievable! All this time I thought I was losing my hearing, except for your flute playing but other than that I thought I was—wow, I have such a strong voice. I am so baritone. He looks at the cotton on the tweezer. THAT came out of my ear?!

Harold inspects closer.

I am flabbergasted. There was an invasion taking place inside my ear this whole time. Must have been stuck in my ear since you started playing the flute.

REBECCA: You’re welcome Uncle Harold. Take this, it’s gross and it smells…

Harold takes the tweezer from Rebecca.

HAROLD: Sure, let me just throw it out and I’ll bring it right—

REBECCA: Keep it. I’ll buy a new tweezer.

HAROLD: Well, alright. Thank you for giving me my hearing back, although the trapped cotton ball did come in handy for your flute playing. One can’t have everything.

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Joseph Arnone

Joseph Arnone is the founding editor-in-chief of Monologue Blogger. In addition to running MB, Joseph is a filmmaker/producer who has had his films premiere at Festival de Cannes - Court Metrage and Tribeca Cinema's Big Apple Film Festival. He can be reached at Joseph@monologueblogger.com