Monologue Description: “Know Who You Are” is a dramatic piece that focuses on a decision one must make in one’s life when things get to be too much to handle. We all have those difficult days in life when we just feel like giving up or like we are going crazy or perhaps worse thoughts. We have all had those moments in time when we have had “enough” and a choice must be made.
Character Description: In this monologue, Madeline, a woman in her early thirties talks to her dear friend and co-worker Cassandra outside on the back porch of where they both work. Their occupation is taking care of child cancer patients. Madeline has reached a place in her soul where she has her back up against the wall with stress and with not allowing herself to have her own personal life. She feels stripped of her friends, family and love life due to the fact that she gives her career SO MUCH. Madeline feels that she is at her wit’s end.
Madeline wears lose fitted clothing so she is comfortable for those long hours. She smokes her cigarette aggressively, trying to remain calm and clear minded. She comes off as plain with no make up and her hair is tied up in a bun. If she were to “dress up” she would be in fact, a stunning creature. But, if one were to genuinely look at her, they would see her true beauty at first glance.
In this monologue, she is finally reaching a crucial and pivotal moment in her life because it is the moment when she is finally coming to grips with her individuality. Madeline is reaching this place as it “arcs” throughout the course of this monologue. One could say that this monologue is about self discovery and life balance.
MADELINE: Is it waiting there for me Cassandra? Is it? When will my flower grow? When will my night in shining armor show himself? Oh damn it! I hate sounding like this, I just HATE IT!
(sighs and looks up to the sky)
Everyday is a battle…I’ve given SO MUCH of my life to this, these children, I’ve sacrificed so much of my life, to give them…Remember Tommy? Of course you do.
Oh boy, I think of that beautiful round face everyday of my life. He brought such joy in my life. He became my world, my reason for waking up in the morning. Such a perfect, such a, a, gorgeous child, such a soul…
You know I think of him and how brave of a heart he had and the lessons he gave me, it, I, I could never be as strong as he was. He was my miracle, my angel. I wish I could say I was his treasure but truth be told, he was mine. He was mine.
Where am I? I care for these children, I sacrifice my life for them and I keep losing. I feel that I am a caregiver to death! When a new child comes through those white wooden doors, I just hold my breath. I always say to myself that THIS one is going to be different. I am going to save THIS one. But it never happens that way does it, Cassandra? They always go. And I try, I try so hard, with every fiber, every thought, ever ounce of love that I have in me and I am just never strong enough to keep them. I always lose my grip and it just gets to me so, it gets me so, holding sand, as if I get swallowed up into a black abyss and I can’t, I just can’t take the toll on me any longer. I can’t…
But then I think of his face…those big, bright brown eyes, staring up at me, admiring me, looking up to me in such a way that it makes one melt and I hear his voice. I do. I hear his voice echo through my veins.
“Know Who You Are”
That’s what I hear. So I pick myself up, and I square off with myself and I push myself further and harder and longer, until I collapse AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN!
When? Somedays I talk to God outloud and I ask him all kinds of crazy questions because I know he has a plan. I know there’s a purpose to this all. There’s gotta be, right? Something. I just want to understand it.
I’m lonely. I work, my life is my work and I give it every second of everyday but I forget what it’s like to have a man touch me gently across my face or hold me firmly in his arms or draw me close to his chest when I sleep at night. I could barely feel it.
I miss those days, those nights, those moments…
I don’t know, I guess I just felt like I needed to blow off some steam. I’m trying to feel better. It’s not easy. haha. Not easy. Eh, maybe I just need some time for me but I am so afraid of taking time for me, away from the children that, if something horrible were to happen while I was away, I don’t know if I could live with myself. You know?
But I do. I, need time for me. I have to because if I don’t soon, I might be next to go…I am going to take time for me and find my life again. I need to be whole. I need it. I need it.