Protective Shield

In this monologue, Rita talks to her friend about how she has a difficult time opening up to people she cares about.

RITA: I keep things in.  Things.  Emotions.  My emotions…I know that that’s probably not a good thing.  Life has made me that way I guess.  I have a tendency to show no emotion when I am feeling emotion.

I just have a hard time opening up to someone.  I get closed off.  I feel that by being emotional in front of someone, kind of makes me very vulnerable and weak and I have a hard time with that.  You know, being in that state of vulnerability, it’s not a place where I like to be because I feel like I’m not in control.  When I’m not in control, I get anxiety.

Whenever I truly loved anybody and opened myself up to them, they have always stabbed me in the back.  I have a hard time with that; trusting people.  It can be anyone…friends, family, boyfriend.  I’m not sure if I truly trust anyone in my life.  It’s sort of a protective shield I’ve put up and it only gets stronger with time.

I do desire to be more vulnerable but at the same time I desire to stay protected.  I feel torn.  Everytime I do take a risk, I get hurt.  Not sure if I should keep taking those risks.

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Joseph Arnone

Joseph Arnone is the founding editor-in-chief of Monologue Blogger. In addition to running MB, Joseph is a filmmaker/producer who has had his films premiere at Festival de Cannes - Court Metrage and Tribeca Cinema's Big Apple Film Festival.

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