In this monologue, Susie, a southern bell, comes waltzing in an old local bar disheveled. A sexy and attractive woman who speaks with a heavy twang from the South. She tends to be extremely overdramatic wherein lives the humor.
SUSIE: (Susie enters a bar filled with men)
Hiiii boys. Ya’ll think you can lend me a hand with my car?
(turns her attention to one man)
You’re kinda cute.
(puts her attention on all the men again)
I just don’t know what happened boys. I was driving along when my car started shaking…my whole car went on the fritz, felt like it was possessed but I kept drivin’ onwards cause I need to visit my Daddy, who isn’t well, but then my car starting hopping and then I heard a (imitates noise she heard from car) PU-PU-PUZZZZZ noise and smoke, this thick white smoke came out from the hood and blinded me off the road. I almost hit a tree! I was frightened for my life! FOR MY LIFE!!! Oh dear, my make-up is already smudged from my tears. I am a lady in distress gentleman!
Been walking in these here high heels and found this, no offense, CRUMMY old bar and I’ve been walking for what feels like miles and miles…
Now, which one of you big old scrappers is gonna help poor little old me out?