Tell Me The Truth…Do I Look Fat?

Timmy goes too far with his girl when he’s asked the infamous “fat question”  that guys tend to get asked by their girl.

TIMMY: Hey babe, don’t ask me questions like that, okay?  Just don’t cause, you know, I’m not in the mood today.  (beat)  What?  Cause you ask me this question every freaking day and I’m tired of finding creative ways to give you fresh answers. Come on with this already, alright?  You look good, you look good.  Holy shit, man.

I know you’ve been jogging lately but it’s…you look fine, alright?  You look good.

You’re just gonna keep asking me, right?  Alright, you want to know what I really think?

You look the same.

I mean, you want to know the truth?  You look the same babe, alright?  I mean, you know, at what point are we going to try something else? Every day you go out there and run in the slaughtering heat, coming back home like a red tomato and it’s been like three months and well, there’s no change.  I still see the fat hanging off your hips and your belly still has that, what do you call that there, let me see it?  Yeah, that stuff there…the pudge?  You still have that going on so it makes me wonder what’s all this running achieving like, ya know?

I mean, when I went running that time for like two months I started to disappear. I actually had to stop because I would have vanished.  I’m scrawny enough but you, your just one fat little meatball and there’s nothing you can do about it but be fat, fat, fat, run, run, run, fat, fat, fat…so that’s what I think.  Amen.

(pause. It dawns on him that he just f’d up.)

Oh…don’t cry.  Oh, God…babe, listen, I told you not to ask me the fat question today.  It’s just cause I’m in a bad mood and I’m an asshole right now.  No, no, I didn’t mean it…not one bit…you’re beautiful honey.  Listen, I swear, I wouldn’t be with you if you were a heffa, alright?  I only go out with hot girls.  You’re beautiful.  Just a little plum—what’s the word you used?  CURVY.  That’s it, CURVY…you’re just a little curvy like Scarlett Johansson, right?  Just a little meaty but sexy.

I like it.  I’m not complaining.  I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be mean.

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Joseph Arnone

Joseph Arnone is the founding editor-in-chief of Monologue Blogger. In addition to running MB, Joseph is a filmmaker/producer who has had his films premiere at Festival de Cannes - Court Metrage and Tribeca Cinema's Big Apple Film Festival. He can be reached at