The Actress Photoshoot Session

In this female comedic monologue, CATRINA is an overzealous photographer, to say the least, who is photographing a rising star actress.  As she snaps her camera, she gives the actress direction.

CATRINA:  There you go!  There you go!  You’re like a venom snake!  You are a venom snake, ready to sink your fangs into flesh.  That’s right!  Yes!  Yes!  I love it. Energy, energy!  You are an anaconda wrapping your prey, SQUEEZING, SQUEEZING the ever loving shit–YES!  Right there!  Hold it!  Hold that face!  (snaps photo)  YES, you angry little bitch!  I love it!  That’s what we want! Spit on him!  Spit on him and growl!  Show your fangs and spit!  YES!

(actress spits)

YES..cause who is he, right?  It’s just a man, he is no one, you are power baby! Show it, show that POWER!  (to her assistant)  Goddamnit, I love this girl.

(to actress)

Okay, now grab the axe, grab the axe and swing it at Carlo!  Swing that axe straight–at–him!  Right!  YES! YES!

(to Carlo)

What is it Carlo?  Just do it!  Don’t always look at me so wide-eyed.  For God sake!  REACT, don’t look at me.

Helen, you’re doing amazing!  Swing the axe.  That’s it.  Okay, you know what?  Drop the axe cause Carlo is bleeding.  Damnit it, Carlo!  If you weren’t looking at me and were paying attention to what I hired you to do, you wouldn’t have gotten cut.  Is it bad?  Let me see.  (she examines him quickly)  You’re fine, you’re fine, PAPERCUT.  Come on, let’s go.  Use it, use the blood if it starts leaking out.

HELEN!  I want you to punch Carlo.  Punch Carlo where he’s cut.  Hit him HAR–that’s it!  Yes!  Yes!  Punch that bastard of a man!  Now claw, claw his chest with you—YES!  YES!  That’s it annnnnnnnnnnd claw, claw, claw BREAK.

Whew!  That was…let me tell you sweetheart.  That was incredible.  It was like sex on steroids times a multiple of ten.  That’s how amazing you are!!  Go in for the next change.  When you come out, I’ll show you what we have.

Carlo!  Carlo, get up off the floor.  I need you to go get the tiger…

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Joseph Arnone

Joseph Arnone is the founding editor-in-chief of Monologue Blogger. In addition to running MB, Joseph is a filmmaker/producer who has had his films premiere at Festival de Cannes - Court Metrage and Tribeca Cinema's Big Apple Film Festival. He can be reached at