The Historical Misfire of an All-Star Cast

Viewer’s lined up on September 30th to watch the release of the comical approach or lack thereof, of one of the largest cash heist in American history. Masterminds. Masterminds depicts the inside robber played by stand-up comedian, Zach Galifianakis, as he embellishes the role of North Carolina’s Loomis Fargo employee, David Ghantt, a dull, routine cash transporting, working alongside co-worker, Kristen Wiig, who portrays the tempting, bleach blonde babe, Kelly Campbell, a washed-out cuffed pant leg, L.A gear wearing crush of David Ghantt.

The movie begins with a day-to-day into the life of an ordinary trailer-owning man who looks fabulous perfecting his floppy version of the 1980 paper boy haircut. Yes honey, bangs and all! The comforts of being a Loomis Fargo employee prove to be uninspiring for Kelly Campbell whose memorable scene is her departure from the company, a uniform-stripping, bra revealing leaves and then a pencil-etched in skin phone number drop for Ghantt. OUCH!

Kelly hooks up with wrong crowd and the heist mastermind himself, Owen Wilson, who plays a manipulative unorganized crook, Steve Chambers, better know as ‘Geppetto.” Chambers offers up temptations of an everlasting love and a lifetime supply of curly fries enticing Ghantt to rob the Loomis Fargo vault in hopes of spending the rest of his life with Kelly, Ghantt in abandons his trailer-park future with fiancee’ Jandice (Kate Mckinnon.) Whose entrance and exit besides the awful side-splitting humor of a redneck engagement photo shoot, the dream in becoming Mrs. David Ghantt quickly became a bullet-dodged.

The clumsy rendition of a robbery was almost uncomfortable to watch! Trapping himself inside the company vehicle containing over 17 million crisp dollars in an attempt to make room for more. The Macgyver inspired instincts made for a wall crashing exit of the building, inadvertently left behind one of the four cameras containing surveillance footage to put the face of Ghantt on a wanted poster, the nightly news with Tom Brokaw and John Walsh’ America’s’ Most Wanted, behind bars,for life.

With a plane ticket to Mexico and twenty- thousand dollars Galifianakis disguising himself as the Reptilian Becky with the good hair, taking with him a big ole’ cash ba-dunk-a-dunk, and a promised reunion with Campbell. The 1997 less-restrictive airport security permits access to a hilarious bearded woman and those, um, sexy curves. This smooth get-a-way and low-profile gang seems to have succeeded in the mastermind robbery, that is, until the FBI get involved. Equipped with one strong and adamant er, woman, determined to capture the Loomis Fargo fugitive. As word gets back to Chambers who has since been making it rain on local malls and car dealerships. Spending his hard-earned 17 million on luxurious mansions and extravagant decor. Chambers, whose identity is quickly discovered by Ghantt, holds no bars when deciding to terminate one of America’s most wanted criminals and hires hit-man Michael Mckinney (Jason Sudeikis) to ensure the name-dropping threats will never come to a head.

The mission backfires when Sudeikis finds the fake identification of Ghantt, revealing the two share the same information, leading McKinney to believe they are soul-brothers, bonded since birth. A classical, music infused walk alongside the ocean leave viewers with casual laughs and head shaking boredom when the teary-eyed McKinney spares the life of his new found friend Ghantt, only to be assigned the task of killing Kelly Campbell the love interest of Ghantt, yea, we kinda saw that coming!

In a turn of events with a plane-ticket exchange, Ghantt is headed back to North Carolina as Mexico’s answer to the FBI gets word Ghantt is in town. Discovering the recent kidnapping of Campbell in order to postpone Ghantt’s threats, Chambers , distracted by his elaborate neighborhood bash is comforted by the idea he has Campbell securely tied up in the shed of his backyard. With his eye on the prize, Ghantt enters the party without fail and rescues his damsel in distress. The neighborhood becomes witness to the pitfall of a flee by Ghantt and a very tiresome brawl with Chambers. Manipulating a confession from Chambers while FBI sit court-side to him admitting he was the mastermind behind the heist.

Ghantt, who in real life spent seven birthdays in federal prison became the top dawg behind bars. Having pulled off the biggest heist to ever take place on American soil. As Masterminds becomes a master flop, the historical aspect, although exaggerated, provides detailed information to an event many of us were unaware of. Ghantt, now married to Kelly Campbell remains the only person to have knowledge of the whereabouts of the unaccounted two million dollars.You lucky, lucky man! Sadly, not even an all-star cast could rescue the film . Save yourselves a ticket and wait for the movie to hit RedBox. Sorry, not sorry!

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Gigi Demitro

My name is Gigi Demitro and I am a freelance writer in Spokane, Washington. I am an undergraduate of creative writing and English at the University of Southern New Hampshire. As an avid advocate for women's equality, I am actively seeking to publish inspirational articles about women's rights. I am currently working on finishing my first novel and enjoy watching movies during my down time. I appreciate the fine arts and poetry. I hope to become an established author, but for now, you can follow me: Twitter @Glam209